And I love him for it.

Last night I went to the premiere of This Filthy World, Jeff Garlin's film of John Waters doing what is either a hilarious (and, of course, offensive) college lecture, or a stand-up routine for perverts, criminals, and film students. I'm not completely sure why This Filthy World is in a film festival, though, because it's really less a film and more a TV special -- a good TV special, mind you; that's not meant as an insult. I'm not complaining, though. I've loved John Waters since I was in junior high (which might be sharing a bit too much about my mind) and I've never had the chance to see him in person before.

He's my kind of weirdo: tacky, perverted, and delighted to rile people up and offend the uptight. Sure, he's disgusting. Yeah, his movies can be painful to watch. And I certainly wouldn't want to watch them with my grandparents. But I love him for his fearlessness and his need to scare people by showing them the ugliness and tackiness that they don't want to admit is part of their world. I love his films, I love his books, I love his hilarious guest appearances in TV and movies. Unsurprisingly, I loved This Filthy World, and I was thrilled to be in the presence of someone I've admired for so long.

I snapped a couple pictures of him on the red carpet before the show, but fought the urge to ask him if I could take a picture with him. (I'm not sure now why I didn't -- was I worried it would be tacky?) In person, he looks just as creepy as you'd expect. He said it himself during his act -- he looks like a child molester. He's gaunt and pasty and has that spectacularly awful moustache. And he's also incredibly magnetic and charistmatic and completely comfortable in his own skin. How many pretty people can say that?

I'm guessing this show will end up being a DVD release or an HBO special, and fans of John Waters (or bad taste in general) should check it out. The uptight, easily-offended, and squeamish may want to catch the latest Disney flick instead.


-- Michelle Heimburger

Getting out of the office on a weekday to see the new Jude Law flick "Breaking and Entering" feels pretty Ferris Bueller, I must say. Not having to cook up some crazy excuse like "I'm getting my wisdom teeth out" is even better -- for one, you don't have to walk around the office for the next week with cotton balls stuffed in your cheeks.

"Breaking and Entering" was great -- possibly made better by the fact I was munching popcorn on company time -- it was funny, sad and complicated. Unfortunately, sitting alone in a movie theatre while the rest of the world toils in their Dickensian work stalls does not a blog post make. Instead, I thought I'd post an email that my girlfirend Holly wrote to her friends back home in Regina, Saskatchewan, (with her permission of course) after a crazy (if ultimately unsuccessful) Saturday night stalking the streets of Toronto for any trace of celebrity-dom.

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For all of you not living in Toronto or even those who do live in the city but have been in a coma for the past week, the Toronto International Film Festival (or TIFF for short -- isn't that cute!) is in full swing!
 
I thought I would get into the spirit of things and document my TIFF experiences. I am one of the few unconnected individuals in the world -- with no cell phone and no digital camera -- so all my fascinating impressions of my fantastic evening with the stars will have to be painted in prose.
 
Now, let us get into the mood. Toronto is a big, somewhat happening town, with an attitude that most people assume it has, but really it doesn't. During the Film Fest the city is a-sparkle with lights, cameras and BRAD PITT...
 
Sorry, I phased out. But he is hot, you all can't deny that...
 
Late on Saturday night, Greg and I decided to wash up, put on some lipstick (well, none for Greg tonight), and hunt for celebs.  Now, I have been in Toronto for some time now, but haven't actually done the HUNT before.  Greg's stories from last year were dramatic and hilarious but I didn't really register the full impact that celeb hunting can have on one's emotional state. 
 
To begin with, if you really mean to hunt, you have to dress the part. At 11pm, I found myself down in the crawl space lugging out my winter clothes hoping to find my super-hot chocolate brown cowboy boots to be worn with my new little black skirt that shows off the fact that baby has got back. By 11:30pm I was sweaty, frazzled and needed a wee glass of chardonnay to calm me down (more like sedate me, as I looked like a cat who had just been startled by a large dog).
 
Finally we set out. 
 
As the taxi drove us up to Yorkville, aka 'celeb central' (the only two streets in Toronto where the rich people hang out) Greg (aka Mr. PsychoNuts) gave me some important instructions. First: Look like you are supposed to be there. Second: Keep walking. Right, gotcha. 

We pulled over, and got out beside a pay phone that happened to be occupied. As we were about to walk on, we heard a man in a black suit talking on the pay phone..."Hi, I just wanted to phone you and tell you who I am having dinner with tonight. (Slight pause, then in a loud voice) Penelope Cruz! (Slight pause and even in a higher pitch) AND SHE LIKES ME!" We stopped dead, looked at each other and went from HUNTERS to STALKERS in one second.  We stood beside this guy listening to him talk about Demi Moore and how she wasn't with Ashton that night, and Demi was rubbing phone guy's head and how she said he had the most perfectly shaped head -- even better than Bruce Willis'...
 
Now, I am sure you are wondering if we actually saw Penelope after this, but unfortunantly we didn't. We went to the nearest resturant and stood outside the bar, FREAKING OUT. We were completely losing it and wringing our hands and trying to decide what drink we should order that would be cool enough (apparently, rye and ginger is considered NOT cool), then finally going inside, ordering a TEN dollar drink and seeing no one. There definitely was going to be a big party there later on since a huge section on the restaurant was ready for a party of twenty, but despite numerous attempts, the waiters wouldn't let us go back there. 
 
After this near-sighting, Mr. PsychoNuts' true character came out, and I was dragged from one hot bar to another, dodging bouncers and hotel security all in the hopes of finding CELEBS! At one point, we were hovering with a large group in front of a store with big lights, wondering who we were going to see and realizing that we recognized no one.
 
It was during this little gathering of unknowns that I had my Brad Pitt moment. I found myself conversing with some students from Korea, and they told me they had seen Brad Pitt. Well, I shouted "SHUT UP!," practically knocked over the sign post that I was leaning against and scared this girl half to death. They then showed me a video of Brad walking on the red carpet earlier that night. Either they were as nervous as I would have been or they had a few too many cocktails because the camera phone was shaking so bad that the BRAD moment was so blurry we could barely see anything. Sigh, if I ever do see this man, I might have a small stroke.
 
And that is my TIFF experience so far. I think we're going to Sean Penn's new flick and I might have to go get my hair done!  A girl has got to look good as she munches on popcorn for goodness sake, while mentally preparing to bust into one private party after another!

Greg and Holly
 

Wednesday Night, 9pm, Elgin theatre

When I decided to go to Seraphim Falls, I didn't realize I'd agreed to go to a Western flick. To be honest, I'd looked for the movie description in the TIFF catalogue, and glanced at the picture of the ruggedly handsome Pierce Brosnan and before I knew it was agreeing (without realizing what I was agreeing to). I figured that Pierce, despite his rather haggard appearance in the promotional  shot, would end up cleaning up nicely (as he does in all his movies), don his usual tuxedo and martini, and all would be right with the world. It would be all about character growth…inner strength, quick wit and dashing charm. Three minutes into the film I realized how terribly wrong I was. I was at a gun-toting, horse-slapping, platoon-spitting Western.

Being an open minded woman, I decided to sit back and take some notes. After all, it's not everyday that I get the opportunity to watch a Western flick, and the fact that Pierce and Liam (Neeson) were sitting in the audience, made it feel that much more worth a try. I'm not a movie-reviewer, so I won't bore you with the details of the movie itself – so instead, I've chosen to create a 'Smart Gals Guide to Westerns' to help 'womenfolk' like myself prepare for a special night with their guy, a bucket of popcorn and a little Dirty Harry. It's all about knowledge sisters….

So here goes. My Smart Gals Guide to Westerns

1.  Westerns always take place in harsh climates  (be it a dry, barren desert or a cold, unforgiving open space). I think this has to do with the 'man vs. nature' theme, but I for one think it would be particularly clever to see a Western shot in downtown Miami (perhaps a dance-off instead of a shoot-off)?
   
2. Men in Westerns grunt a lot – Don't know how to explain this one, but I bet Pierce and Liam were thrilled they had less dialogue to memorize.
   
3. Cowboys don't all sound the same - Disregard all rational notions of what a cowboy should sound like . Pierce added his own British twist and I felt myself waiting for a naked woman painted in gold to pop out of the bushes. Maybe it was just me.
   
4. There's always an attractive lead character – In this case there were two (please refer to paragraph 1 and the reason why I agreed to go to this movie)
   
5.  It's about the thrill of the chase – Man chases man. Man continues to chase man. Man almost kills man. Man lets man go. Man chases man again. Men learn to understand each other. It's really very simple.
   
6. The more gore the better -  Girls be prepared to see men get shot, homes get burned, throats get cut, and my personal favourite, a horse get disemboweled and a man hide inside its carcass while waiting to spring himself on his enemy. It doesn't get any better than that.
   
7. There's always a token hot chick – In this case it was Angie Harmon. She had very few speaking parts, but she played 'damsel-in-distress' very well. I think writers include these characters to help women get more emotionally entwined in the story line and to provide their male viewers with a little eye candy.
   
8. Cleanliness is not close to Godliness in Westerns – I mean, these guys were dirty… the whole time.
   
9. It's ok for men to cry in Westerns – Interesting considering this genre is so male-friendly. But it seems to add a level of 'realness' to see a man in his most dire moment, well up with 'easy tears' from a bottle. 
   
10.  In the end, it always comes down to a fist fight – I find it ironic that considering all the tools at their disposal: knives, guns, ropes, etc, that fight scenes in Westerns more often than not come down to fist fights. Man punches man, other man grunts and falls to his knees. Man wipes blood from lip and springs up to attack with a hard left. Other man falls flat on his back. Man trips man. They wrestle. Man sees gun just out of reach….you get the gist. C'mon guys, can't we just get along? If this were women, we'd have discussed the problem rationally and be out shopping by now.

So in the end ladies – my Seraphim Falls experience was quite a learning experience. Hopefully you can harvest some of this education for your own use. Knowledge is power.

Stay tuned for our blog's next installment (and thanks to Wireimage.com for my pic... was too busy taking notes to take photos too!) 

Julie Oden

Fest friends are the best friends…

Meet Kelli and Carla (can’t you just smell the buddy pic?), two committed star-spotters who gave me the inside scoop on life behind the velvet rope, Vince Vaughn, and how the Toronto Film Festival has become “too Hollywood.”

Both girls were only too happy to chat about their adventures in Fest-land when I picked them from the mob of uber-fans waiting to catch a glimpse of JLo outside the Elgin Theater.  “We were almost trampled,” they tell me of their experience outside the Babel premier on Saturday night – by comparison, the JLo crowd is fairly reasonable.

Besides Brad, the two-woman team have thus far added Samuel L. Jackson, Jude Law, Sean Penn, Kate Winslet, James Gandolfini, Mark Rufallo and Vince Vaughn to their list of spotted celebrities, and can’t say enough about a certain sexy giant.

“He was sooooooo great,” said Kelli (or was it Carla?).  Either way, both girls confirm that Vince was one of the coolest and most sincere celebrities ever, and “much better looking in person,” which seems to be a consensus among all who have laid eyes on Jen’s beau over the last few days. 

Still on tap are opportunities to get up close and personal with the cast of Bobby (Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Emilio Estevez, Helen Hunt, Joshua Jackson and Laurence Fishburne are all possibilities).

No mention of a favourite festival film, which is probably because these ladies – like the many fans who spend collective hours waiting outside big premiers and screenings – are in it for the STARS!!

Although there can be too much of a good thing… “Everyone is aware now,” they say, explaining how in years past it was much easier to catch a celebrity without all the kafuffle.  Not that that’s going to discourage them!

When I ask them if the massive crowds will keep them away next year, they balk at the suggestion.  Clearly a true star gazer isn’t afraid of a little competition!

--- The Rogers Yahoo! Gossipy Gal Pal